You don’t need to worry about finding your purpose. Here’s why.

“I have no idea if I’m on the right path”.

“I’m working for money, not passion, because I have no idea who I am or what I should be doing with my life”.

“If I could just get clear on my purpose, I would stop wasting energy, time and money trying to figure it out”.

These may be words that have come from members of my community when I asked them what was frustrating them most about their business right now, but honestly?

They are the words that have haunted my own heart for years.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve prayed for clarity on my calling.

Feeling that I’ve been called to a higher purpose – but not knowing what that purpose is – is one of the most frustrating wrestles I’ve had with my conscious mind during my adult years.

For me, the lack of clarity around what my purpose is has always felt like a sensation of being trapped.

You so desperately want to move forward – to change the world, to change your life, to make magic with your gifts – but without at least a hint of divine direction, forward just doesn’t seem to be an option.

But once you’ve felt the call, you can’t exactly go backwards, either. You can’t ‘un-see’ what you have seen, or un-feel what you have felt.

So in essence, you’re trapped. Trapped between what could be, and what has been…and clarity of purpose is the only way out.

I connected with my calling nearly two years ago, and I’ve been running my business ‘on-purpose’ since.

One day, during an outburst of frustration at having no clear direction for my business, I looked around me at all of the carnage my lack of focus was bringing into my life.

A stack of journals and notebooks – all with the first couple of pages completed (all new ‘fresh starts’)…then abandoned in a drawer.

Virtual libraries of blog posts I’d toiled over writing…but didn’t publish.

Ideas for offerings on forests of sticky notes…all deemed unworthy and too scattered to make any sense.

Impulsive book purchases with seductive titles such as “Find Your Purpose in 24 Hours (or less..)”…never opened, never considered.

Hundreds and hundreds of dollars spent on courses that I thought would give me a definitive answer…yet never quite delivered on my expectation.

These are just a few examples, and I’m sure you have your own interpretation of how the ‘purpose quest’ has manifested in your business and life.

So…if I didn’t find my purpose in a journal, blog post, book, course or meditation…where did I find it, exactly?

The honest answer is: I didn’t.

Instead, I had a realisation:

[bctt tweet= “You don’t have to worry about finding your purpose. Purpose is something you get to choose.”]

Purpose is – for me, at least – is something that you choose.

Rather than something you wait around for, you simply choose to follow the signals that the Universe is laying out for you.

The little hunches you keep getting. The flashes of inspiration. The nudges.

You don’t need to worry about finding your purpose – your purpose finds you, in the moment.

But it can’t find you if you remain stagnant.

What you have to do is take purposeful, meaningful, soulful steps forward in getting to know yourself while simultaneously building what you THINK you’re meant to build.

What will inevitably happen is a business created from true authenticity that naturally evolves and becomes more purpose-centered with every step.

Finding your purpose isn’t on thing you do. It’s a lifelong practice.

And you can start…right now.

So I got complacent in my business. And here’s what I’ve done about it.

stickies

Recently, I shared the story of how I’d gotten complacent in growing my business lately. (If you missed it, you can catch it here).

(In a nutshell – a recent relapse of depression and anxiety left me totally disconnected from everything that mattered to me).

I was blown away by the amount of emails I received from folks saying “Hey! Me too!”. (Seems I wasn’t the only one after all).

But the question that came up in so many of those responses was…”Me too…and I just don’t know what to do about it. What are you going to do?”.

Well, this blog post is the answer to that question. I have found it so beneficial to reflect on the steps that I have taken to move me out of complacency – and the overall lesson I learned – and I hope it inspires you in some way, too.

The four steps I took to move from complacency…back to competency.

  1. I remembered my direction.

The problem with reaching a point in your business where you feel disconnected from it all, is that it’s all too easy to misinterpret discouragement for a sign that you’re on the wrong path.

When I am in a place where I feel discouraged (and subsequently complacent), I start wondering whether it’s a sign that I’m travelling down a road that…well…I wasn’t meant to turn down.

Being passionate about pursuing your dreams is one thing…but giving it your all and finding yourself doubting whether you took the wrong turn? THAT’S heart-achingly discouraging.

The first step in my journey back to competency was acknowledging that sometimes? It’s ok to take a wrong turn.

 [bctt tweet=”Just because you’re on the wrong path, doesn’t mean you’re heading in the wrong direction”]

Although I know this at a conceptual level, it’s hard to remember when you’re in the midst of an existential crisis. What you want then…is hard, unquestionable proof that the path is RIGHT. That you are following the signposts correctly.

The very fact that you’re looking for this proof IS the ultimate signpost of all: that you’re headed in the right direction. And that’s all that matters.

ACTION STEP: I journaled my way back to my calling – to remind myself the direction I’m heading in. I help people get paid to be themselves – insecurities and all – and have complete freedom of choice, and self-expression. Direction, confirmed.

 2. I got grateful.

Somewhere around the time that I fell off the wagon, I experienced an internal haemorrhage of gratitude.

For years, I had a dream. It was a dream I dreamt when I was driving myself to work every morning (and on the way back home again). It was a dream of freedom, peace, joy and self-expression.

A dream that was on MY time, not my employer’s.

A dream that allowed me to take my time in the mornings.

A dream in which I could stay in my pyjamas all day, if I wanted.

A dream where I could take my daughter to school, and be there at the school gates at three to collect her.

A dream where I decided how I chose to contribute to the world that day (that had nothing to do with other people’s demands, expectations, or ridiculous targets).

I quit my job in 2013 (at the WORST time someone could possibly decide to quit their job – with a 12 week old baby, and moving house) and the next day? I lived my dream. I was granted the gift of every part of my dream coming true.

Recently, I’ve been too caught up in other people’s dreams to remember to be grateful for my own. I’ve allowed other people’s dreams to become a marker for how much I have (or haven’t) achieved, and have found myself lacking.

ACTION STEP: I cut out every distraction possible that made me forget I already live my dream…and got grateful.

 3. I wrote a plan of action.

Once I’d remembered where I am heading, and became grateful for where I am, I wrote a ‘clarity plan’ for where I’m going next.

I remembered that there are only FOUR roles I play in my business (as a business owner), which are:

Visionary. Business Operator. Marketing Director. Contributor.

I started a Google Doc, and put four columns across the top – one for each role.

Then, in each column, I wrote out the next steps I know I need to take to move further along in the direction I’m heading.

Once I had the structure – the right lens to look through – I had a plan of action. The answers came easily to me – my mind had just been too scattered before to see them.

ACTION STEP: Completed a 30 Day ‘Clarity Plan’. Wrote down any specific goals and deadlines in my planner. (If you feel you could benefit from doing this exercise too, here’s a copy of the Google Doc I used, that you can use to create your own 30 Clarity Plan.

 4. I took action.

Once I had the plan, I got to work. I rolled up my sleeves, took a deep breath…and made a start.

YES I was scared.

YES I was unsure.

NO, I didn’t believe it would make a difference.

But I did it anyway.

Since writing my plan of action, I have…

~ Cleared out my office

~ Created my live program ‘The Round Table {Creative Edition}’ as an ON DEMAND course

~ Released that course to my existing customers

~ Reconfigured my entire customer journey, and mapped out my new offerings to be released over the next six months

~ Developed a groundbreaking Archetypal Business Blueprint that will help business owners achieve clarity and confidence in their business strategy

~ Began the process of moving my Initiation Kit to a new platform, to provide a more seamless experience for my customer

~ Designed and created a new video for my home page

For someone who has been paralysed from moving forward for a few months, I’m pretty impressed with myself.

I feel competent again.

Like…I’m back in the game.

So, in summary, the answer to the question “What are you going to do to feel confident again in your business?”, I did the following…

1. I remembered my direction.

2. I got grateful.

3. I wrote a plan of action.

4. I took action.

If you’ve been feeling lost, or complacent, in your business, I hope with all my heart that you have found this breakdown of my experience helpful.

There is a greater lesson in here that I’d like to conclude with.

The ability to get back on track with the evolution of my business all came down to the fact that I stopped trying to struggle on my own. I opened my heart, became vulnerable, and shared my experience – publicly.

My commitment to transparency – scary as it always is – never fails to line up the exact words I need to hear, the exact inspiration I need to take the next step.

If you’ve been struggling lately, OWN the struggle. Reach out to someone and say – ‘Hey, I’m struggling’. Know that you’re not alone, even if it may seem that way.

Because the truth is?

[bctt tweet=”Your struggle IS your solution”]

I’ve been struggling in my business. And here’s why.

For the last few months, I’ve been struggling as a business owner.

 

Before I get into specifics, the irony is that so many parts of the business have been growing steadily.

 

I now have over 14,000 in my community – people who I am so passionate about serving, and who have every inch of my gratitude for being a part of my world.

 

I have constant emails of praise from people who seemingly enjoy my outlook on life and business, and who find inspiration and encouragement through my work and creations.

 

I consistently receive invitations for speaking events, and to be a guest mentor or promotion partner.

 

If you lifted the lid of my business, and stood on your tiptoes to peek in over the edge, you’d probably assume that all is well. On the surface, it certainly looks that way.

 

But the truth is? I’ve been finding it a little all too much lately.

 

As you may (or may not) know, I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression for most of my adult life. I’ve had a particularly bad time of it lately (the kind where you have just about enough energy to breathe, and anything else is a bonus – including showers).

 

I distanced myself from my business – not because I didn’t care any more, but because I needed the space whilst I focused on pulling myself round to my senses again. I put certain projects on the back burner, and cut way back on my responsibilities to give myself a bit of wiggle room.

 

After my consciously-decided cut-backs, I’m now reconnecting with my life’s work with a fresh pair of eyes, and renewed vigour (if there’s one blessing that comes from depression, it’s its ability to strip you back to your core so you at least have the opportunity to start over).

 

I’ve started asking questions.

 

Why have I been struggling?

Where have things become misaligned?

Where have I been misspending my energy?

What assumptions have I been making?

 

My fresh pair of eyes revealed a particularly hurtful truth.

 

I’ve become complacent.

 

Now, if there’s one thing I do know about myself – depression or not – I’m committed.

 

I’m committed to making a difference – both to other people’s lives, and to my family’s lives.

 

I’m committed to excellence. To putting my full heart and soul into everything I do.

 

I’m committed to being intentional. To flooding my life’s work with meaning, and playing my part in helping others make their contribution to the world.

 

I am NOT a complacent person.

 

(Usually).

 

As someone who goes above and beyond in all areas of life, and fights for what really matters…this was especially hard to swallow.

 

As much as I’d love to tell you the reason I’ve been struggling with my business is because of the economy, or a busy schedule, or a lack of resources, or missed opportunities…the cold hard truth is that I’ve chosen (consciously or subconsciously) to leave my mojo in its box under the bed.

 

It all boils down to the fact that I haven’t been owning my role as a business owner.

 

I’ve chosen to take a back seat, rather than proactively cultivate this living, breathing entity that is my ‘business’ (and, essentially, my life).

 

I’ve chosen to stop planning ahead of time.

 

I’ve gotten behind on my accountancy.

 

I’ve chosen to stay quiet, when I normally would speak up.

 

I’ve chosen to stop innovating, stop pushing forward. Despite the wonderfully magical (and potentially life-improving) concoctions that swirl around my head – literally 24/7 – that’s where I have allowed them to remain.

 

Now…before this sounds like the ultimate guide to self-deprecation, I must add that these choices have all stemmed from fear, and lack of confidence.

 

But ultimately, fear and lack of confidence are just further additions to the ‘I’m-just-going-to-stick-my-head-under-the-covers-and-hope-something-changes’ toolkit.

 

In my heart, I know it just doesn’t wash with me. I know myself better than that.

 

I’ve let my own personal standards and values slide, and that is why I have been struggling as a business owner.

 

Sharing this with you feels like I’m walking down the street naked (which, in all honesty, I’m not sure which out of the two of us would be more terrified).

 

But I always said that I choose to run my business based from my values. And – as transparency is the biggest one of all – I figure this is as good a way as any to climb right back up on the horse.

 

After this whole experience, and the reflections that have followed, I have learned the following life lesson:

 

Complacency doesn’t always mean you don’t care. Sometimes, it can mean that you care so deep and so hard, that you feel like you could never do your calling justice.

 

As in my case, heart-centred complacency can creep up on you and settles in so quietly, you don’t even realise it’s there.

 

I still have the feeling that I may never be able to do my calling justice. I still have the doubt. I still have the struggle to find threads of confidence. I still compare myself to others, and find myself coming up short.

 

But turning my back to everything I believe in, due to belief in my own inadequacies? That’s a level of complacency I’m just not OK with.

 

As I sit here writing the close to this post, feeling as exposed as I do, I have a funny feeling it hasn’t all been in vain.

 

I’m so sure that many of us drop the ball in times of confusion and self-doubt.

 

Whether your arms are getting tired, or the ball just hit the dirt…know that it’s ok to not be ok.

 

Just because you’re struggling – or things aren’t how you’d like them to be right now, or you feel like you’re missing something everyone else knows apart from you – doesn’t mean the game isn’t worth playing any more.

 

The fact that you’re willing to pick the ball back up?

 

You’ve already won.

You don’t find your calling. Your calling finds you.


Calling. Purpose. Mission. Sacred contract.

Call it what you will, it all points back to the same thing: a craving to be valued in this world. 

“If only I had clarity on what my calling actually IS, I could stop staring at my computer screen for sixteen hours a day trying to spend my energy and good intentions wisely, but failing miserably”.

In my experience, there is (probably) nothing more frustrating than feeling a deep urge to serve…knowing that service is written in your stars…and having no direction. No clues as to what you’re supposed to be doing with your life. 

There can be what seems like an infinite gap between being called to serve…and finding your calling. One feels so definite…the other, so mind-maddeningly elusive.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt the call to serve. I’ve searched high and low for clues to lead me to the details.

I’ve read books. Completed worksheets. Taken courses. Devoured blog posts. Listened to podcasts. Worked with mentors. Meditated. Prayed. Begged and pleaded with the Universe for a – ANY – sign. I’ve tried bargaining with God for even the slightest inkling that I’m on the right path.

I believed that if I could JUST get my calling confirmed, I could actually start being useful. Start showing up fully. Start…doing stuff that actually made a difference. I was worried – no, scared – that if I allowed myself to become distracted by things that WEREN’T my real calling, I might miss out on the sign I’d been waiting for. And…at the end of my life, I’d regret the moment I’d taken my eye off the ball and missed the signpost I’d been praying for.

After all the books, worksheets, courses, blog posts, podcasts, mentors, omming and bargaining with my Creator, I didn’t find my calling. But what I DID find was this essential truth:

[bctt tweet=”Your job is not to find your calling. Your job is to be open to your calling finding you.”]

The problem is never that we can’t ‘find’ our calling; it’s that we’re blocking the channels for our calling to find us (consciously or subconsciously).

Denial. Disbelief. Low self-worth. Choosing to ignore intuition. Silencing the whispers. Procrastination. Perfectionism. Comparing with others. Meaningless distraction.

All essential tools in the I-can-feel-the-nudges-but-am-choosing-to-ignore-them-because-it’s-safer toolkit.

I know – without a shadow of doubt – that it is impossible to ‘find’ your calling.

Why?

Because calling is fuelled by passion, and – in the words of Gregg Levoy – ‘passion is a state of love, and hunger’. 

Without love, passion is simply lust – shiny object syndrome, loving the concept more than the commitment. Short-lived enthusiasm. Half-hearted contribution.

Without hunger, passion is sedated – there may be love, but no desire to go deeper. To keep peeling back the layers. To keep on keeping on…even when all seems lost.

Once you ‘find’ something, hunger is replaced by complacency. The chase is over. 

To pursue your calling requires dedication, strength…and that DESIRE to go deeper and deeper, because it is a pursuit of Holy Grail standards:

Your ultimate calling is the pursuit of your calling.

What you are searching for – in a rather cruel, yet sweet, twist of destiny – is the search itself. Without the search, there’s no yearning to go deeper. If you’re not going deeper, you’ve reached a standstill. (And…for the record…a standstill is not the meeting place of choice for the manifestation of wild dreams).

Your calling is, and always was and always will be, to find ways to expand. To evolve. To become a better person.

Once you give up searching for the search, you’ll have SO much more brain-time to spend on becoming attentive to the nudges the Universe has lined up for you. 

Because they’re all there. You can sense them, but you second guess them a little more often than you should. If you open your heart – and mind – to the daily drop-ins from your calling, it will become the self-fulfilling prophecy it was cosmically designed to be.

Let go of the expectation that you will ever find clarity on your calling, and instead pay attention to the calling of your heart in THIS MOMENT. Then follow it. 

Only THEN will you gain true clarity on your calling.

(Irony. You gotta love it.)

Feeling like not one person is listening? Read this.

Feeling like not one person is listening? Read this.

dew

Of the rain at night no one is aware

for every soul is asleep. 

Yet the freshness of the rose garden in the morning

is evidence of the rain that no one saw.

Considering Rumi died in 1273, it’s amazing how he knew exactly the right words that a solopreneur who is wondering if they’re talking to thin air right now might like to hear.

So often in our businesses, it can feel like no one, and I mean NO one, is listening to a word we have to say. 

We’re doing our part – showing up, giving our all, being of the highest service…yet sometimes, it just doesn’t feel enough.

We write our blog posts – conscientiously and dutifully – with the question echoing in the back of our minds… who is even going to read this?

When we get no likes, no shares, no opens…it’s so easy to spiral into the depths of despair, dejection, and ‘why-oh-why-do-I-even-bother?’. 

And yet…how often do we catch ourselves looking towards the heavens for the rain to fall – parched from the draught – whilst the rose bushes grow unnoticed around our feet?

Three questions for instant peace + clarity.

Three questions for instant peace + clarity.

surrender

 

Around two years ago, I was a confirmed atheist.

Now, I actively invite God to be the driver of my business.

 

How can someone go from confirmed atheism to asking God to guide their business in less than two years?

 

There is this wonderful video of Oprah Winfrey describing the point in her life where she had strived, and fought, and struggled to earn her dreams, and yet it was almost as if the Universe was giving her the cold shoulder.

She reached the point where all that was left for her to do was to surrender to God.

 

At the end of 2013, I was in that same situation.

 

I had strived, and fought, and struggled to create a business that felt fulfilling both financially AND soulfully…yet everything I did seemed to backfire on me.

 

I was caught in such a deep-seated depression that I could barely make it through the day without crumbling (not to mention pay the bills that were steadily mounting).

 

There came a point where crumbling became inevitable, and I cracked.

 

I remember sitting in my front room on Christmas Day in 2013 and giving up the fight. I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep banging my head against that same brick wall.

 

I surrendered.

 

At the time, I wasn’t sure who – or what – I was surrendering to. All I knew was that it was all I had left.

 

The surrender felt blissful.

 

I took all of my striving, fighting and struggling – and I let it all go.

 

At the time, we needed the money more than ever. I didn’t have the luxury of not needing to make my business work. But I also realised that there was only so long I could hold on…and letting go of the edge I was so desperately clinging to was the sweetest blessing.

 

Since that day, I have nurtured the relationship I have with the God I swore I could not believe in. After having suffered for so many years from depression, how could I believe in someone – or something – that claimed to have only love for me, yet allowed me to go through the torture of mental illness? After a string of heartaches in my late teens (death, sickness, breakups), I had long decided that God was not on my side.

 

However, after my surrender, the strangest thing happened.

 

I began to feel better.

 

I began to see my world differently. In the moments and days following the surrender, I felt hope – a concept that by then was so foreign to me.

 

It was a miracle in motion.

 

I felt the gentle force of love lift the weights off of my shoulders, and replace them with a sense of calm and clarity. It was as if I had experienced a perception transplant – suddenly the things that I had found so stressful, became almost insignificant.

 

Whilst there were no burning bushes, and certainly no angels or parting of the clouds, I felt like I was no longer alone.

 

I didn’t have a name for this companion to begin with. I started referring to it as ‘the Universe’, but a few months later I longed for a more personal connection, and opted to drop my preconceptions about the name and used God instead. It dawned on me that God is just another word for LOVE, which made complete sense to me. I no longer saw God as the white-bearded Gandalf-in-the-sky, but rather an all-encompassing warmth and radiant light.

 

I vowed – from that day forward – to no longer see my business as ‘my business’, and instead see it as a platform from which I could carry out God’s work.

 

At first, it felt strange thinking of myself as an ‘employee’ of God…however I gradually began to see the insignificance of the semantics.

 

My purpose here on this Earth is to expand, to grow, and to serve.

 

To inspire, to heal, to love…and be loved. (Even my name in Welsh translates to ‘love, and be loved’).

 

Since the surrender, I have invited God to guide my everyday decisions. I have requested that I be a catalyst for miracles, and everyday I thank God for the opportunity to make a difference, big or small. I may not be a millionaire, but as far as I am concerned, the ability to earn a living by fulfilling my life’s work is the greatest blessing.

 

Once I let go of the need to ‘sell myself’, the money started flowing again – and I was in a place where I could receive it with immense gratitude (rather than expecting it as my ‘right’).

 

Once I let go of the need to get it ‘perfect’, I started to make conscious decisions that felt good to me…whether they were ‘perfect’ or not.

 

Once I let go of the need to attract customers, people started to find me (and as such I now have the most beautiful online community that I am immensely proud of and grateful for).

 

But it all started with surrendering…and the commitment to doing God’s work, in whatever capacity that may be. To open myself to whatever He has planned for me.

 

I don’t have to figure the plan out – I just need to show up, and allow myself to be guided in the right direction.

 

I wake up every morning, and pray that I be put to good use today.

 

I go to bed every night thanking God for the opportunity to make a difference, and pray for guidance that I can do the same again tomorrow.

 

Which leads me to the three questions I promised you.

 

Answering these questions will leave you feeling peaceful, and with a beautiful sense of clarity. It doesn’t matter whether you believe in God, the Universe, the Higher Power…these are just labels, words that all point to the same thing. So here goes…

 

What do you need to surrender?

 

What do you need to let go of?

 

Who – or what – do you need to lean into?

And your bonus question for God/the Universe/Spirit…

What would YOU have me do?


Let me know in the comments below.

Ps…You can catch the Oprah video here: https://youtu.be/EqGNVKKCS2k